Homer and I have agreed that he will be a stay at home dad and I will return to work and be the "bread winner". I likely will be taking "only" 8 - 12 weeks off when we do leave to pick up our girls. I may take less time if everyone is settling in OK. I have not received a lot of support for this decision. The Dads that I work with all tell me how their wives had a hard time balancing their need to be with the children and their need for stimulating work. They do not talk about how soon after their children were home that they returned to work. The Moms that I work with keep telling me how men do not nurture in the same way as women. I argue that no two women nurture in the same way, but that does not seem to hit home.
What everyone fails to comprehend is that if I was a man and the main bread winner, it would be OK for me to return to work only 3 weeks (or less) after we become a family of four. Yes, I would love to take more time off, but that is not reality. Realistically, I am going to be home longer than many working dads would have been. One of us needs to work to pay the bills and it only makes sense that the person who has the higher more stable income should be the one. I am completely comfortable with this decision. Homer is going to be an awesome Dad. The girls and him are going to have so much fun together. And Homer is going to teach them so much. They are going to learn to follow their curiosity and will be given a classical education.
I know this is the right decision for our family. It was something Homer and I discussed before we were married almost 10 years ago. It was always part of our vision for our family. Apparently, I have a radical feminist view of a family. I have never considered myself to be a radical, but I guess there is a reason why I never feel like I fit in. I just wish I did not have to justify this decision to almost everyone I meet.
If there are others out there who have also taken on role reversal within the family, I would love to hear from you and how you have dealt with the critics. The closer we get to making this a reality, the more I am being told how I am going to regret this decision.
Believe in your
Bright Star Dreams
A Month of Reflection
1 year ago
5 comments:
Ahhh! We heard the criticism too, but we stuck to our decision and it was the best thing!
I took only 1 week off after returning from Ethiopia. I spent each moment with my son that I could, knowing I'd go back to work. I provided for his needs to he could see me as a caregiver before going to work. When I started at work, I woke him to say good-bye and he phoned me each morning at snack time. When I could, I did go home for lunch.
My husband stayed home and this was perfect. Our son only knew of female caregivers in his life. As we found out later, he had no father ever so it explained why, in Ethiopia, our son always looked to me. Giving them the time for 8 months on their own was perfect for the two of them to create an amazing bond.
And it also meant I almost always got to have the best time - cuddles before bed. I also continued to show I was a provider by doing almost all dinners and bath times etc. Our son learned there were two of us, and he has an amazing relationship with his father.
Go for it! You won't regret either decision. I can see the argument about fathers not nurturing like mothers, but learning that fathers can nurture is better than not having a nurturing father at all. My husband became an amazing nurturer and sometimes I was even jealous.
It was best for our family and you need to do what's best for yours. Every family is different.
Ah, there is nothing that gets people going more than someone making a different choice than what they would do.
And for pete's sake, it's not like you are BOTH going back to work quickly, or like they are not going to see you at all.
That said, I would budget for the 12 weeks if at all possible. In my experience, the 6 week mark is a major hurdle in adjustment, but the 3 month mark is when everything starts to go much more smoothly - sort of the 'new normal'. It might be a good point to make that transition, if possible. Then again, you'll be the best judge of that once you meet them!
Do whatever you think is best and ignore the rest. This is obviously the best thing for you guys and I salute you for sticking to your guns.
Meh, screw the naysayers. There's nothing people love more than to tell others how best to raise their family.
At this point, Chris and I are BOTH going to be working when my parental leave is up. I wonder what the powers that be would have to say about that?
We also have agreed that if we ever need a stay-at-home parent, it will be Chris. It is just what makes sense for our family. Sure his way of caring for our child will be different than mine. So what? I know enough about Chris, and have known enough daughters raised by fathers to have no worries about that.
I would just thank the naysayers for their opinion/concern and change the topic.
We are regualr parents, not adopting ones. does not make a difference.
Victoria, during the years in the US, stayed home with Isabella, while I made the "dough".
Now back in Canada, i still work, but mostly from home, driving Isabella to and from school, to play dates, sleepovers etc.
Victoria is make "dough" (literally as well) now. She deserves the gratification of her work and she still is a brillaint mother to boot.
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